Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
I like to go to the bar and flip peoples license plates upside down, then go home and listen to my scanner.
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.