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Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
Black Friday is Americas version of running with the bulls.
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven`t paid for a ticket from entering the game!
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.