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Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
Iām not lazy, Iām on energy saving mode.
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.