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Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
lol I rotfl
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.