Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
Sometimes you run into people who just make your day more bearable. Those people are called bartenders.
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
I`d like to give you a big thumb`s-up. But I`m afraid that would be the wrong finger.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
A woman just dropped a 20 dollar bill next to me. I thought, `What would Jesus do?`, so I turned it into wine ... Well, I bought wine.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.