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In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.