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What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
I would`ve thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited `til it was dark instead.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic