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I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"