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Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.