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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
funny status idea: a funny and popular one