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That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........