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Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
If I throw a stick will you leave?
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
Hey Lady!, I just deposited $43 dollars in THIS bank.. DON`T FROWN AT ME WHEN I TAKE 3 SUCKERS!