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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
Today is National Fritters Day. I don`t know what that means, so I just went naked today. Gotta be something like that.
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers..
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.