Daily Silly Status

I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.

For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.

Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.

20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.

I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.

I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...

If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.

Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.

I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge

You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.

"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."

I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??

No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.

I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate

I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…