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You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
Just noticed there`s no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.