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Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinky head that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly