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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
I removed my windshield wipers and now I don`t get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.