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I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
It’s a status….not your diary…
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
At least a stalker is there for you.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing