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Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.