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I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexic?ns!"
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
Mondays are middle finger approved
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat."