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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
I won the Twister contest hands-down.
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Girls just wanna have funds.