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I’m sorry I’m late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"