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Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.