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I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
Feeling bored? Go to a clothing store and put "one size fits all" stickers on the bras.
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
When a man talks dirty to a woman it`s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it`s $3.95 per minute.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
Apparently members of the Westboro Baptist Church were outside a theater when the marquee gave way and came crashing down injuring several of them amidst their protest. Witnesses overhead many of the members muttering to themselves, "It must be a sign."
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
"That`s close enough..." ~Government worker
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...