Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, “Me? How?”
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.