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When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
How do nudist clean their glasses?
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...