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Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
I look so young for my rage.
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.