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Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"