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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown