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We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
If u think I talk to much, just let me know. We can talk about it!
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
I just slammed hard on the brakes and found 3 lighters, $4.67 in change, condom box, empty flask, half an 1/8th, and a puppy.
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you