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When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
Bacon...need I say more
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...