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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.