Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don`t want it.
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.