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Love is like Wi-Fi, you can`t see it, but you know when you`ve lost it.
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now Iām gonna be up all night worrying.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.