Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."