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How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
I kinda dig you, want to hang out and stuff until we hate each other?
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say `It`s so cold out!` and I say `It`s winter` and then we silently hate each other.
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.