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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
How many facebook friends do you have that if they posted "I`m depressed and on the edge", your first thought would be to poke them?
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
I`m not saying your opinion is stupid, I`m just saying you`re stupid for having it
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.