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Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.