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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode