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Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.