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I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.