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If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?