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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Smile, it confuses people. ;)
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.