Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.