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From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass