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I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.