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Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats! Many of you are about to be grandparents!
I like my women how I like my straws ā¦. Bendy and full of liquor.
Iām mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.