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If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
Helpful Tip : The police never think it`s as funny as you do.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.