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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I`m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!