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When I die, I don`t want to go sober...
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
and alcohol are now friends.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you