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You can`t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that`s kind of the same thing.
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
Very excited to announce I`m on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi