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I like the parts of the day when food happens.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.