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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn`t have done this to me."
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.