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Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
You know what the cheapest meat is? Deer balls ... They`re under a buck
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.