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I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.