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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
Why do guys cheat on pretty girls with ugly ones...?
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster ?
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?