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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."